Perfect
by BloodRedPetals
Summary: Maybe this is how it's supposed to be, maybe I'll die alone with no one who truly loves me. Is it because of my past or is it because I'm still the same little girl who couldn't escape? It makes sense, If I were looking at me through different eyes, I'd be disgusted too. AU EdxOC, Rated M for language, rapefic! And maybe some others, I haven'd decided yet!
1. Chapter 1

This is my second Fan Fiction on this website, and I'm sorry for not updating my other story in a while, but I'm not sure if I will continue with that story. But if you want to check out my other stories. I have a few on Look for BloodRedPetals21, same name as this account! And I'm really sorry guys, it's just that I've got a lot of crap going on right now. I'll make it up to you though, I promise! :) So please enjoy this little Fanfic I had just thought up!

* * *

**Prologue**

_10!..._

_The sound of excited squeals fill the air, people holding each other tightly with love and affection._

_9!..._

_A slow grin pulls on my face when I look over to Edward's excited smile. The bright lights from inside almost make his golden spun hair glow to a bright highlighter colour. _

_8!... _

_I notice the tiny snow flakes that cling to his eyelashes and kiss his cheeks every time he blinks. _

_7!... _

_He's speaking, but I can't hear the words that come from his mouth. On the other side of him, victoria- his girlfriend of 2 months- is clinging to his hand and tugging excitedly._

_6!... _

_My eyes avert to their join hands, fingers intertwined together. Victoria leans over and flashes me an excited grin and I force one back. _

_5!..._

_She squeezes Edward's hand to catch his attention, he brings his beautiful golden eyes down from the snow falling sky to look at Victoria. She kisses his cheek and his cheeks flush, but a small smile is on his face. I see the affection twinkle in his eyes and it tears me apart._

_4!... _

_I love him. I love Edward Elric so much it hurts. I've known him since birth, I know him inside out, better than he knows himself. And I love him, but he loves her. Tears spring in my eyes when I look down at our joined hands. His gloved hand is hard and cold from the automail I had built for him. He feels nothing in this hand. I let go of his hand and take a step back from him. _

_3!... _

_Edward looks over at me with concern and confusion in his eyes; I can almost swear I see a little hurt reflecting in them. I stare at him as if he were a stranger. His mouth moves, but again, I hear nothing. He releases hands from Victoria and takes a step toward me, his voice is so distant, but I can hear the worry in his voice. I can see Victoria looking over at me, also with concern. I hate her. I hate her because she stole Edward from me. I hate her because he's with her and not with me. But how can I blame him? He doesn't know that I'm in love with him._

_2!... _

_He reaches out to me, gently taking a hold of my right wrist with his right arm- his automail arm. The tears spill over my cheeks because I know I've lost him, he never used to touch me with his automail hand, in fact, he used to avoid it at all costs. So I do the one think I swore I would never do._

_1!_

_I kiss him. On the lips. It's sloppy and quick. He tenses up, I can feel it. But I can also hear Victoria's surprised gasp. She doesn't deserve it, not at all. No matter how much I hate her. I pull back quickly to see Edward's wide golden eyes. I search for answers, but all I see is a swirl of emotions. They go too fast, I can't pin point one. _

_"I'm sorry." _

_It's as if the my words are his wake up call, waking him from his moment of complete shock. His brows furrow together and I see the bright colours flash across Edward's face. They've set the fireworks off, but why can't I hear it? _

_"Winry..."_

_His voice is low and undeciferable. For the first time in our lives, I can't read his emotions. It makes me hate Victoria all the more. His automail hand drops from my wrist and I know whatever kind of friendship we have is over. The thought brings out a whimper from me. The tears come harder when Victoria marches from behind Ed with a horrible frown pulled on her pretty little face. She glares at me and screams. But it's like I've gone deaf, I hear no else's voice except for Ed's. We both ignore her presence and Ed continues to stare at me. He attempts to make eye contact, but I stare at his lips. I want to kiss him again. What horrible timing._

_"Winry."_

_He says again, but this time more sure of himself. I already know what he's going to say and I don't want to hear it. Another firework erupts in the sky with a loud pop, but this time I hear it, and this time, I take off running the opposite direction from Ed and Victoria. I can hear Edward's voice calling after me and his heavy boots softly crunching the snow beneath our feet. I also hear Victoria's voice, but I don't think she's chasing after us. _

_Why is he still following me?_

_I push through the crowd of people all watching the firework show, I pray to whatever god that's out there that I lose him in the crowd. I make a sharp right and run into the clear streets. Freshly covered with a thick coating of snow, it makes it harder to run, and if I don't go faster, Edward will catch up. _

_"Winry! Stop!"_

_I'm almost at the end of the street, reaching the intersection. Suddenly, a black van comes swirving out from my left side and screeches to a stop right in front of me. Before I know what's going on, the side door is pulled open and I'm yanked inside. _

_"NO!"  
_

_Ed cries, running faster. His horror filled face is the last thing I see before the door slams shut and takes off in a random direction. A hand with a white cloth covers my mouth to keep me from screaming. Something wet covers my mouth, giving off a scent that makes my nose burn and makes me feel tired. I struggle to stay alive, doing my best to push the hand that is covering my mouth and nose. It would be so much easier to just fall asleep, but I don't want to die yet. I'm about to graduate to my last year of high school! My life was just getting ready to start!_

_But then I think of Edward's calculating stare after I kissed him. If I make this out alive, how would I ever be able to face him? Will he even forgive me? Maybe 3 weeks after I disappear, would he even remember my name? Would he care?_

_These thoughts only tempt me to just let go, slip into the promising darkness, so long as I don't wake up. So I do, I allow myself to slip into the promising darkness, at least here, I won't have to think about anything._

**_1 year and 7 months later_**

_I lay in a dingy, cold, and putrid smelling cell. My back to the jail doors as I stare at the cement wall. It's dark in here and I can see my own breathe, but I feel nothing. I've been laying in this room for hours, that I'm simply incapable of feeling the cold that seeps into my bones, freezing me inside out. My body is scarred and bruised, my ribs hurt every time I take in a breath, I think they've broken a few. I'm sore near my lower regions, but it makes sense. I've had at least 5 different guys attack me at once; it had lasted hours, maybe years, I wouldn't know. _

_Every day since my captivity, all I've been able to think about was Edward. Despite what happened the day I was taken, I still love him, and I still pray that he's going to come and rescue me, it's futile and pathetic, but it's all I've got right now. I've got nothing else to lose with nothing to do except wait for when they want me again. I wait for the beatings, the verbal abuse, the new drugs that want me to test out, or if they just want a good fuck. That's all I am now, useless, pathetic, a whore, nothing. If I ever make it out alive, Edward would never want me. He'd be disgusted with the horrible things I've done in the last 9 months._

_I'm ugly, disgusting, a whore, a waste of life, and my only soul purpose is to be used whenever necessary. Or at least that what Ron says. He's told me this every single day, now I'm starting to believe it. I see no point in trying to escape any more. I might as well die. I shudder a shaky breath, careful with the pain in my lungs. I roll over onto my back with a pitiful groan. I stare up at the ceiling. A busted lamp hangs above my head, a vent that could probably fit me inside, and cracks all along the ceilings and walls. I turn my head to the left; a single bed that I don't dare use, my blood and other substances that I don't want to know of stains the covers. The bed sheets are messy from when they guys came in earlier. In the far left corner from my bed is a filthy toilet and a sink that spits out brown water and a shower with no curtains._

_On my right side, right beside me is the heavy titanium door locked from the outside. A small square window and a tray slot for my food. On the cement walls, there are cracks and dark stains on the wall, I can't help but wonder if they are bloodstains; they probably are. On the wall opposite to my "wash room" are chains with hand cuffs. 2 for my wrists and 2 for my feet, on the floor is the leather costume they'd make me wear some times. And if I'm lucky enough, they'll some times get me a different outfit. _

_Beside me is a tally of how long I've been in here. And if I'm correct, it's August 21'st, my birthday, today I turn 18. I wonder how many more birthday's I'll have to live through in this lonely cell. I wonder what Ed's doing, or Granny, or Al, or Roy, what about Riza, Rebecca, Jean, Mei? Surely that haven't forgotten about me, what if they don't even remember my birthday? And for the first time, in a long time since I've been in here, I cry. I cry long and hard, but quiet, not wanting to attract attention from Ron or the others. I'd get in trouble, Ron says girls are ugly when they cry, and that's why I'm not a loud to cry. But I do it anyway. It's almost hard to breathe with my broken ribs and all. But that's why I cry, I cry for the pain that I've suffered since my time here, I cry because I never told Ed that I love him, I cry because I'll never be the girl that I once was, and I cry because I've come to the terms that I really don't want to die. No matter what Ron and the others say. _

_I cry because I'm angry as well. I'm angry at all the god's for punishing me like this, for punishing me for something I don't even deserve. I've been a good girl all my life, I was even still a virgin before Ron kidnapped me! I wanted to save myself for Edward because I thought that in the end, we were going to be together. I must have been crying for hours because when I finally stop, my eyes hurt and my throat feels like I swallowed acid. I wish it's all a dream, I know my feeble attempts are useless, but I wish anyway. I wish that I could just wake up with Edward laying beside me, playing video games, and Al yelling at him for leaving a mess in the kitchen. I wish for Jean cracking jokes about Rebecca and she would get angry at him for it. I wish for Roy and Riza quietly conversing together in what looks like an intimate conversation, and I wish for Granny smoking her pipe out on the front porch with Den laying at my feet._

_I just wish that it would all end. So I close my eyes and fall asleep, hoping for better dreams..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Mommy?"

I hear a small childish voice call quietly from beside me. I awake with a start, gasping and sweating. My eyes wide and alert, searching the room for any intruders.

"Mommy?"

The little voice says again. I look over to my side of the bed and find Eddie rubbing the sleep from his eyes away. I swallow and try to calm my racing heart, I clear the lump that had formed in my throat.

"Yeah, baby?" I say gently, flicking on the lamp on the bed side table. Eddie looks up at me with his blue eyes that thankfully match mine. I try a warm smile.

"I couldn't sleep." He says in his baby voice, his tiny chubby fingers clinging tightly to his month eaten teddy bear. I reach over and pull him into my lap, brushing his dirty blond hair from his eyes, he rests his head against my chest and twirling my short black hair with his fingers. I rub his back and kiss his forehead.

"You wanna sleep here with mommy?"

He nods and I pull the covers over him and turn off the lamp," why couldn't you go to sleep?" I ask, patting his bottom gently," 'cause you was crying again mommy." My hand pauses on his bottom and I chew my lower lip, "why you cry, mommy?" The innocence of his question almost moves me to tears. It makes me remember the years when I once still had my innocence. I almost envy that about him. He looks up at me with curiosity, his small hand rubs my cheek.

"Don't cry, momma. I gonna protect you," Eddie says with a small smile. The innocent gesture makes me laugh until I realize that I'm crying. I wipe my tears, but more just keeps on coming. Eddie continues to console me, wipes my tears away, and buries his head in the crook of my neck. I can feel his gentle heart beat. It lulls me to sleep.

* * *

"Eddie!" I squeal with a giggle when he splashes water on me. He slips and slides along the tub floor, squealing and giggling happily.

"Eddie, stop squirming!" I shriek, " I'm going to be late for work!"

This only encourages him to move around more, splashing me once again. My attempts at washing his hair all going in vain because he always manages to dodge my soapy hands even in the small space of the tub. After a few more moments of wrestling with him, I finally get his hair soaped and washed. I fill the small bucket with water once again and pour it over his head. He squeals again and kicks his stubby legs and arms out. I laugh and attempt to hold him still with my free hand. Once he's all clean I reach for the towel sitting on the toilet and wrap it around him. He laughs and wipes his hair out of his face, beaming up at me. I wrinkle my nose down at him and stick my tongue out at him and he laughs.

"Okay, ready?" I ask, "on the count of three, you gotta jump okay?"

He nods excitedly, "one... two... three!"

I quickly lift him up, making sound effect of an air plane. Eddie shrieks with a grin, laughing all the way to my bed room. On the bed, I stand him up and dry his hair, he makes a noise of protest while trying to push my hands away. When I'm finished, I pull the towel away and grin at him, when he grins back I wiggle my fingers in front of me and tickle under her arms and sides. He laughs and tries to run from my hands, but falls back on the bed instead. I giggle as well and drag him back over to me by his feet. He laughs harder at this.

It took me about 15 minutes to get him dressed and ready before I can change into my waitress uniform. I brush out my hair and pin it in an updo. I put my white sneakers on that are required. I turn to a fully dressed Eddie who is sitting on my bed.

"How do I look?"

I ask, twirling around for him. Eddie giggles and stands up on his bed, I walk over to him and he kisses my cheek, "you look very pretty mommy!" Eddie declares with a pat to the top of my head. The simple gesture makes the smile on my face disappear. Edward used to do that to me all the times when we were kids, even when before he started dating Victoria. I would feel so special because he never did that with any one else, not even Al. He's younger brother that he loves more than anything in the world. I feel tears well in my eyes, but I quickly blink them away at Eddie's giggles. I plaster a smile on my face and carefully pick him up and rest him on my hip. Using my free hand, I pick up his bag full of pampers, wipes, and all the other thing that would be needed and grabbed my purse and headed for the front door.

Locking the door, I walk outside with Eddie clinging on to me. It's hot outside, but then again, it's always hot outside here in Dublith. I walk down my front steps and out into the heat. The sun is high up in the sky and people are up and about. In Dublith, I usually keep to myself, I have very few friends, but I don't mind. Here, it's frowned upon to have child out-of-wedlock, but they don't know my story and they never will, so I leave them to think what they will. It's none of their business anyway. Walking down the familiar side-walk, I bump into a few of my neighbours that don't really care whether I'm married or not. There is only a few people in my neighbourhood who don't like me for having Eddie, but they're all older people, and I don't communicate with them anyway.

I bring Eddie to the one place I know he'll be safe; I take him to the Curtises. The own a little meat shop. Izumi Curtis, the woman who owns the shop with her husband take care of Eddie whenever I have to go to work. I've lived in this area for about a year and a half, she knows my story and cares for me. Izumi doesn't think of my any less and that's why I like her and her husband so much. In the time span since I've moved her, the Curtises were the only nice ones to help me with the area. Show me around, offer me food even though I couldn't buy some for myself. She even let Eddie and I stay with her until I could afford my own house, but of course, she helped pay even though I insisted she wouldn't.

She was a kind-hearted woman who was great with Eddie, but it would make sense because she's wanted a child for a very long time, but she can't have children. My heart went out to her when she and Sig- her husband, told the story to me, it's part of the reason why I want her to babysit Eddie when I'm away. She loves him and he looks up to her like a second mother. I don't realizes that we've reached the Meat shop until Eddie begins to squirm in my arms.

"Eddie! Sara!" Izumi calls with a bright smile. I smile back and set Eddie down as she opens the picket fence in front of her yard. Eddie runs as fast as his stubby little legs can take him, his arms spread out wide, and a happy squeal escaping his lips. Izumi grins and bends down just in time to catch him. Izumi Curtis is a tough woman. She's strong, and beautiful. Her black hair is in dreads and pulled back into a ponytail. She wears a sleeveless white long coat that's only buttoned in the middle. On her left breast right on her heart is a tattoo of a cross with a serpent crucified to it, a crow floating above and wings beside the crown.

When I had asked her what it represented, she replied with saying it's symbol of an ancient science that people used to practice. It's a symbol of an advance science called Alchemy. The symbol proves of its existence how things may never last forever. A symbol that life and death exist. It struck me as odd as to why she would wear a symbol like that on her chest, but I never asked why. I felt like I was treading on personal information, and I know that feeling all to much.

I walk over to Izumi and pull her into a tight hug with Eddie in the middle. "Would you like to come inside?" Izumi asks," I could get you a nice cold glass of water. I know it's hot outside." She offers. I look at my wrist watch, I've got 15 minutes to spare, so I accept her offer and walk inside with her.

"Sig is in the living room with two of our guests."

"Oh," I say, " should I come back then? I mean, I don't want to intrude."

Izumi waves me off, " none sense. I'm sure you three will become great friends. Besides, the little punk better have visited me. Haven't seen him in years."

I smile as she leads me through the meat shop and to the little apartment they have upstairs. Eddie squeals with excitement in Izumis arms, I make funny faces at him as we go up the stairs. Eddie laughs loudly and kicks his legs out happily. Some times this little boy has so much energy it's hard to keep up with. Despite me being only 22, my little boy makes my back ache. Who knew 3 year old's could be such a pain? When we reach her kitchen, I can here Sig talking to people in his deep voice. Izumi sets Eddie down and he goes racing into the living room with Sig.

"Hey, don't run in the house, Eddie!" I warn as I take a seat at her wooden round table. She searches through the cabinets for a glass cup and fills in with water from a jug with ice in it. She sets the glass down in front of me and I take the water in greedily, Izumi pulls up a chair in front of me and takes a seat with a glass of water of her own.

"So, how are you, Sara?"

I look down into my cup and swirl the ice-cube inside around before answering.

"Eddie's fine, ya know. Great little boy, " I say trying to ease the subject of me away, "he's even learned to count to 10," I smile , but still don't lift my gaze up from my ice-cube. "I've got a little genius for a son, ya know."

Izumi smiles too, I don't need to look up to know that, "that's wonderful, Sara. It really is, but I want to know how you're doing." I sigh with defeat and set my glass down," I still have nightmares. It's been 3 years and I'm still afraid."

I say, mentally cursing myself for my voice shaking near the end. She reaches across the table and holds my hands in hers; she's so warm. "Sara, what happened to you 3 years ago happened, " she says wisely, " nothing is going to change that. However, you can't blame yourself for what happened and what those men did to you. Besides, if that were to never happen, you wouldn't be blessed with a beautiful genius son now." My heart warms at her words. She's like the mother I never had, she always knows when to say the right things at the right time.

She continues on, "Sara, you can't expect to get over what happened to you in three years. What happened to you will never leave you, you are cursed with those memories forever and I am so sorry a beautiful and young lady like you had to go through that," sometimes her words are too truthful that I don't want to hear it, I'm not ready to face the truth yet.

"But this of this as a new start. You've got a kid now, you need to not only think for yourself, but for your son as well. But in doing so, you need to forgive yourself, learn to love yourself first. If you want Eddie to have a good life, you need to fix yours up first." Tears well in my eyes and I squeeze her hands tighter. I hear her chair scrap back against the floor, and then the next thing I know, she's holding me tight in deep hug. I cling to her warmth and life, _I'm so thankful for this woman,_ I think to myself. If it weren't for Izumi and Sig, I have no idea where Eddie and I would be now. Laughter breaks out from the living room and I carefully pull away from the older woman, she wipes my eyes and smiles softly at me. Sometimes I forget the soft side of this woman. She has a motherly touch to her, yet she can be scary when she's angry too. She's strong, strict, and flat out tough. I've seen her take out men bigger than Sig, you would think Sig is a big mountain bear. But despite his size, he's a sweet man who loves Izumi so much.

Sometimes when I see the two together, I envy their love for one another, wondering if I'll ever be loves the same way. But thinking of my past makes me doubt the thought would even be possible, especially since I have a son out-of-wedlock.

"I'm going to go check on our guests, would you like to come along?" She offers gently. I shake my head no.

"I've got to use the bathroom and then head off to work."

Izumi nods, "alright. Let's go then."

I push out of the chair and follow Izumi down the hall to the living room, the bathroom is in the hall to the left after you enter the living room.

When I enter the living room, I can almost swear that my heart and stopped beating. It's like my body shut down and left me paralysed standing in the entry way. I swear I thought my stomach had dropped. I want to throw up. The lump in my throat keeps me from making a sound. There the two guests sitting in the living room. The man's arm is around the woman's shoulder. Golden blond hair pulled back into a high pony tail and a smile on his face, his golden god given eyes beam brightly, but I notice a certain dull tone to them. Was it even possible for his golden eyes to go dull? The girl underneath his arm smiles and giggles and she curls a thick golden lock behind her left ear. My eyes follow their center of attention; my son. Victoria is playing with _my son._ Bile rises in my throat, how dare she? I will not allow her to touch my son ever again. Without thinking I reach over and snatch Eddie from Victoria's hands. The laughter from Eddie and Victoria die down and every one looks shocked for a moment until all eyes land on me.

When Edward looks at me, I quickly avert my eyes away, praying he doesn't recognize me.

"Sara?" Izumi calls my name, worry evident in her voice. I send a quick glare at Victoria, but soon realize my mistake. Her eyes widen and she stands up, but before she can say anything I cut her off.

"I'm sorry, Izumi,"I say, "I think I'm going to stay home today. I'm not feeling well."

"Why don't you take a break, " Izumi says softly." Why don't you get your rest? Sig and I can take care of him.

"No!" I yell without meaning to, "I'll take him. I can handle him," I add quickly. I pick up the toys he was playing with and quickly put them away and head for the hallway, but Victoria beats me to it. Standing in front of me, my heart drums in my chest almost painfully.

"Winry." The words slip from her mouth, loudly enough for everyone to hear. I want to shove her as hard as I can, but I can't do that with Eddie in my hands. I hear a sharp intake of breath and I know it's Edward.

"What are you talking about, Tori?"

I feel my stomach roll in disgust, he's got a nick name for her? I want to scream. Anger and fear and sadness fill me up, it's almost too much to handle.

"Winry? What, where are you going?"

I hear Edward stand up and take slow steps toward us. "Move." I say in a shaky voice.

"Do you have any idea how long we were looking for you?" She asks, almost yells. Hearing her words almost make me punch her, my hand twitches. Eddie whimpers quietly and wraps his arms around my neck, I hold him tighter.

"I won't ask you again," I say bolder, louder, " move out of my way."

"Winry?"

Edward says my name, it sounds breathless, almost desperate. "Why are you trying to hide from me again?"

His words break my heart and I want to cry and scream and turn this house upside down. I close my eyes and blink back my tears and slowly the bone crushing lump in my throat painfully, it almost brings out a sob. I ignore his question, " I'm sorry Izumi, but I really have to go. I'll explain everything later." I say in a rushed voice. Victoria crossed her arms in front of her chest and spread her legs apart slight. I can swear my heart shattered to tiny little pieces when I saw the wedding ring on Victoria's left ring finger. The tears came hard and fast and I seriously had to struggle with the sob that desperately wanted to break free. I don't understand why it hurts so much, but it does and suddenly, I feel the walls closing in on me, it feels just like the same way it did when I was stuck in that lonely cell. My breathing hitches and I feel like my lungs are closing on me.

"You have to move," I say almost breathless.

"Winry-"

"Move!" I scream out of sheer panic so abruptly it makes Eddie jump in my arms and start crying. Victoria jumps and steps aside as I rush down the hall, down the stairs, and out the front door with every one chasing after me. I rush out the front door, struggling with the little fence outside, when I finally get it open, Edward's right behind me. Edward gently takes a hold of my free arm, his cold automail sends chills up my spine with a cold realization. His metal, cold, unfeeling, uncaring hand.

"Winry, please!"

He sounds desperate now, but I can't look at him because if I do I just might fall a part in his hands. It's hard to fight with Eddie crying in my arms. He spins me around to make me face him, but I stare down at his automail arm holding my own.

"Why are you doing this, Winry?"

"Please let me go," I choke out, " I need to go home."

"Why are you running from me again?"

"Edward, let me go!"

This time, Edward uses his flesh left hand to touch my cheek gently. The gesture catches me by surprise and I gasp as he makes me look into his eyes. I see a swirl of every emotion in his eyes; sad, happy, and angry, grief, confusion, relief.

"I thought you were dead," he whispers almost brokenly, he pulls me into a warm-hearted hug with Eddie in the middle. He hugs me so tight and it feels like my heart has finally taped itself back together again, I've been dying for his touch for years and now I finally have it. But when I open my eyes to see Victoria standing next to Izumi and Sig and try to push away, "why are you hiding from me, Winry?" He asks again.

It's in this moment that I come to an answer for him. It's because I still love him, after all theses years, I still love him, and I hide from him because I can't have you and I'm not ready to face the facts yet.

"Because I still love you," I say, my voice cracking at the end. Eddie's crying stops when he buries his head into my neck, hiding his face.

"Then why hide?"

"Because you love someone else."

I cry harder than I ever have before and with one last spurt of energy, I push him away as hard as I can and run straight home. When I reach home, I'm out of breath and still crying. I cry so hard it feels like my throat is going to bubble up and turn to liquid, my heart aches so much it feels like I'm going to die. The tears in my eyes and my pounding headache that started about a minute ago make it hard to focus on unlocking the door. But somehow, I manage and push the door open, lock the door, walk up to my bed room and lay both Eddie and I down, kicking of my shoes and pulling his off as well.

Eddie looks back at me with tears stains on his cheeks. He rubs my cheek, wiping the tears away. "Don't cry, mommy."

It only makes me cry harder and I squeeze my eyes shut and hold Eddie closer.

"Where does it hurt, mommy?"

I pat my chest, over my heart, not being able to trust my voice just yet. Eddie flashes me a small smile before kiss the place over my heart, "better?"

I half laugh and half sob at Eddie's cute child innocence. I nod and kiss his forehead and he kisses mine. Eddie falls asleep before I do, I lay there rubbing his back and watch his peaceful expression. I snuggle closer to Eddie and before I know it, I fall fast asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I am awake before I open my eyes. I don't want to get up. I reach up to take out the clip in my now wavy black hair and notice something missing; Eddie. My eyes open in a flash with panic, searching the room for dirty blonde hair, but there is none. My heart jumps into my throat and naturally, I assume the worst. I sit up in a jolt, the house is dead silent.

"Eddie?"

I yell loudly, but my answer is the eerie silence. I drop down to my knees and look under the bed; nothing, "Eddie!" I open my closet door and find it empty. My heart begins to pound in my chest, where did he go? How long was I asleep? Wouldn't I have woken up if someone had broken into my house?

"Eddie?" I call out, while frantically searching my room. When I can't find him in here, I run out of my room and down the hall and search the closets and the bathroom. He isn't anywhere.

"Eddie!?" I yell desperately, and run down the hall into the living room. The sun was still high in the sky, I briefly wonder what time it is, but only for a moment, before I turn back to searching the house for my son. "Eddie!" I scream, tears swimming in my eyes, a sob breaks out until I hear laughter from outside my backyard. I pause my frantic searching, frozen mid-motion, listening if I actually heard it or if I had just imagined it. My heart pauses, too, but then starts up again when I hear the laughter again. I can hear Eddie's and someone else, someone more feminine. I race to my back door and pull it open. Much to my relief, Izumi sits with her legs crossed at the ankles and her arms stretch back, holding her up into a comfortable sitting position. Eddie is running around her in circles, cheering happily about something.

It isn't until I walk over and pat the top of Eddies head do they notice me. Izumi stands up looking a little tense and awkward.

"Mommy!" He hugs my leg, "me and Zumi was playing rescue the Pwincess! Wanna play?"

I smile softly at his eagerness and sit down next to him," Eddie, Zumi and I need to talk for a while, how about you go play with something else and then we'll play with you, okay?" I offer gently. Eddie pouts for a moment, before he jumps up and nods, running off to play with his toy blocks. I watch him play for a moment while Izumi and I sit in silcence.

"Who's Winry?"

She starts, "That's my name, " I say, "Winry Rockbell is my real name." My eyes never leave Eddie, "Sara is the name of my deceased mother, and Johnson is the name of a neighbour I once had when I was younger," I explain so calmly that it confuses me. She's silent for a moment, absorbing it all in.

"How do you know Edward?"

"Our parents were friends when they were still in College. I've known Edward and Al my whole life," I pause, " I used to know that boy inside out, better than he knew himself." I finish, I don't know why I say that, but I do. If I'm going to come clean, I might as well as let her know the details as well. After all, she deserves the truth, especially for every thing she's done for me. All Izumi and Sig ever tried to do was be nice to me, give me and Eddie a life, support, love. I owe her that much really.

"Why the past tense?" She asks and for a moment, I stop to think of an answer, I don't realize that I had used past tense.

"Because it's been 5 years since I've spoken to him last. I know I've definitely changed, and he must have done some changing in those 5 years... 5 years is a long time."

She nods in understanding, " I didn't imagine that as how we'd meet. I mean with him finding out that I've got a kid and me and Eddie running off. I imagined it so much differently."

I say quietly and it's true, I didn't imagine the first time we'd meet in 5 years to ever be like this. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't supposed to be like this. Victoria wasn't in the picture either. Nor had the thought occurred to me that maybe in the last 5 years, Edward could have found someone and married her. The thought makes me sick, my stomach turns and I have to swallow the bile that's forced its way up my throat.

"Then how did you imagine it, Winry, er, Sara."

"Winry," I say, putting her worries to rest, " you can call me Winry know that you know." I answer her with a sigh and a shrug, "not like this." I drag my eyes away from Eddie down to my lap, " I didn't think Victoria would be in the picture. I was hoping that she wouldn't be."

"But she is. Now what?"

My brows knit together deep in thought, I haven't got the slightest clue.

"I honestly don't know, Izumi. I don't know what to do." I say at last with a sigh of defeat, " Even if Victoria weren't in the picture, I still wouldn't know what to do... I'm scared to see Edward again, or Al, or any one for that matter. It's why I moved here and not back to Central where everyone is." I explain, pulling grass out and throwing them up, watching as they sprinkle back to the ground. " I don't want them to think differently of me. I don't want them to see me differently, I don't want them to know the horrible things I've done during my time with..." I choke and my voice cracks. A wave a fresh tears wash over me, but I force them back. I can't cry now. Not in from Izumi, not in front of my son. I've done enough crying.

I suck in a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves, "I know that sooner or later, I'll have to face them, but... I don't want to. I can't, not like this... I- it's been three years and I still have nightmares, how many years more will I have to wait before I can finally face them? I ran away with my son, because I wasn't ready, I don't think I'm ready now."

Izumi sits quietly, calculating my answer to understand, to think of something wise to say, something to help me feel better, something that would make me have to talk to Edward, because I know that's what I have to do.

"I understand that you think you're not ready, Winry. But you are," she says softly, " you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You've got a son and look how he's turning out to be." We turn to watch Eddie build a tower with his blocks, "in the next 2 years, your son will be going to school, and he'll be the smartest kid in his class! He gets it from his mother, that much I know. You're smarter than you think, Winry."

"You need to talk to Edward, it's the only way. This fear that you have of what they'll think of you is what pushes you away from every one. You isolate yourself from every one, and you can't keep Eddie from the world too. He needs to grow up, learn the world and some day, he'll be experiencing the world on his own. But in order for him to do that, you need to face your fears, fix your problems so you can teach him the steps."

Izumi moves closer to me and taps my knee, " you should be so proud of how far you've gotten. A single mother with a three-year old son. Most don't even make it this far without dragging there kids into it too. You need to start thinking for Eddie as well. And to do that, you need to face Edward too. You need to talk things over with him, it's the very least he deserves."

I nod slowly, I know she's right, and that I have to do this because I do want Eddie to live a normal, I do want Eddie to grow up and experience the world. But Victoria, and the others. Facing Edward is hard enough, how can I face them too? When will I ever get the opportunity to do it? They're probably still in Central and I don't think I can ever go back to Central just yet.

"But what about the others? They're all still in Central, when will I get the opportunity to talk to them?"

Izumi shifts her dark brown eyes to the grass, and for the first time, she looks reluctant to answer, "they're coming down tomorrow actually."

My eyes widen, "wow, that's a perfect opportunity, what're they coming to Dublith for?"

This time, she's slow to answer, she shifts uncomfortable like a teenager being caught sneaking out of the house and it's a really strange sight. Usually, she's so sure of herself, confident and tough looking. She always knows what to say, but now she looks like she doesn't want to say anything. "Izumi?" She flinches when I say her name, it's so slight that you wouldn't catch it, but I've known her long enough to catch it.

"Ed and Victoria..." When those two names are used in the same sentence, I know that something bad is coming out. I mentally prepare for the blow, "they're getting married tomorrow." I didn't prepare myself for this. The shock of it all left me feeling numb and empty. I don't know which one is worse, thinking that they were already married or knowing that they're getting married the next day. My heart aches and it feels like my lungs are ready to close up on me. It's like a sharp jab to the ribs, knocking the air right out from my lungs.

My throat burns like I've swallowed acid and I have to blink the tears back. I nod slowly and force a weak smile. It's futile because I know Izumi knows just how horrible I really feel, but my stubbornness keeps me from allowing myself to break down.

"Oh," is all that's able to escape my mouth, I feel so pathetic, crying over a soon-to-be married man. It takes me to a startling realization that almost rises the bile in my throat. No matter how much I love him, he will never love me back. He's already made his choice; Victoria. Not me. I'm stuck here with the fear of never being loved, dragging my poor helpless son down with me, while Victoria takes my place in the life I should have. _She_ gets to be with Edward,_ she _gets to see Al every day and call him her brother,_ she_ gets a normal life, _she _gets everything she wants. This battle that I had started from the moment she met Edward is proof of her victory. She's already won and she's won from the moment Edward first laid his eyes on her.

I've already lost everything and I will never be the girl I once was, I will never be Edward and Al's best friends any more, nothing will ever be _normal_ with Edward and Al if I ever meet them again. I'm fight a losing battle if I try to "mend" my -_already lost- _ relationship with Edward. But it doesn't matter what I feel, I have to do it anyway, because I need to fix myself, for Eddie, for Izumi.

"The wedding starts at 4 p.m. at Cermin Park about 45 minutes away from here." She says, "it'll be a great way to interact with everyone again at the reception. If you can't make it the wedding, at least the reception."

I swallow thickly, "what about Eddie?" I say, "neither of us have anything to wear and I can't afford anything, besides, I have work in the morning, I have no where to leave Eddie."

"Leave him with me, I'll take him with Sig and I and we'll meet at the reception." There are no flaws with the her plan, but I just want to use Eddie as an excuse to stall and miss the wedding and get to the reception only. And it's not like I don't trust Izumi will take care of Eddie, I know she will. I pretend to think about it, but really, I'm thinking of a way to miss the wedding. I nod.

"Yeah... okay, that seems fine."

Izumi smiles brightly at me and squeezes my shoulder softly on her way standing up.

"I can give you details tomorrow when you drop Eddie off. And don't worry, Winry. I'll get Eddie ready and I think I just might have the perfect dress for you." She says as she walks over to back door gate, leaving no room for argument. At the sound of his name being called, Eddie jumps up and runs over to Izumi, hugging her leg.

"Are yous gonna go now, Zumi?"

She smiles down at him and brushes his dirty blond hair from his eyes,"yeah, I'm sorry I can't play with you today, but I will tomorrow, I promise. " She says with affection, "I'll even take you out somewhere nice."

Eddie squeals and jumps up and down eagerly, "really, where? Where is we goin', Zumi?"

Izumi leans down so that she's eyes level with Eddie, "you'll have to ask mommy that."

Eddie's wide blue eyes turn on me as she jumps at me. Izumi laughs lightly before walking through the gate with a wave. I smile down at Eddie and pick him up, "where's we going, mommy?"

I collect all the toys he brought out and make my way inside with Eddie squirming with excitement. "Well, you, Zumi, and Sig are going to a very special place tomorrow. Zumi's even going to buy you new clothes too."

"What 'bout you, mommy? You's not coming?"

"Of course I'm coming silly, "I tap his nose with my finger earning a giggle, "but you're going to leave with Zumi and Sig, and then I'll meet you there."

"Oh! That's cool, mommy! I wonner where we's going!"

I listen as Eddie mumbles with excitement where he could be going tomorrow.

* * *

It's already 12:30. I've dropped Eddie off with Izumi about 5 hours ago and I still have about 3 hours until the wedding starts. Today was a slow day at the café, so there wasn't much for me to do, nothing to distract me from what is about to come. I make small talk with a few of my co-workers and do the dishes and help in the kitchen most of the time. Anything to keep me distracted from my thoughts, because if I were to ever be left alone with my thoughts, I'm sure they'll eat me alive. I manage to worm my way out of leaving work early, but I have decided that I was going to leave late so that I'd only make it to near the end, maybe even the reception. Time ticked away and before I knew it, it was already 1:45. My plan is to leave work at 2, go home to get ready which should take me about until a quarter to 3, then I'd leave. I'd probably get there about a quarter to 4, and I should be just in time for the reception. It seemed like a pretty flawless plan, I have to get there before the ceremony ends so that I could follow them to the reception.

When I walk the short distance back to my house, I feel nervous, my stomach does flips and my palms begin to get all clammy and cold. I take deep breaths, trying to calm my fired nerves. Upon entering my house, I jump straight into the shower and think of all the possible scenarios that could go down when I get there. There is only two ways it could go; absolutely horrible, or absolutely never is a good side to my life, not since after my.. "disappearance". When I get out of the shower, it's already 2:15. That means I've got to hurry up with getting ready and dressed if I want to make it to the reception in time.

I quickly dry myself and step put into my room and lay out the beautiful red, long, lacy gown that Izumi and given me this morning. I stare at it for a moment and put it on. The material is so soft against my scarred skin. The scars don't show as much, but they're there. I was grateful when I saw the length of the dress, it covered my legs, that's where I have most of my scars. It's also has sleeves, covering the ones on my arms as well, there aren't many, but you can see them if you stare for too long. Especially the one where a crescent moon was carved into my skin on my left shoulder-blade. I remember how I gained the scar. I got it on my first week when I was kidnapped.

Ron had said it was a his mark, to let whoever found it know that I belong to him and I always will, no matter what. And unfortunately, the dress does little to hide the horrible scar through the lacy material, but my black hair has grown out a bit and is long enough to barely hide it, so long as I don't move my head too much. I struggle with the zipper, but I manage. I towel dry my hair and stand before my body length mirror. I have to admit, the dress is beautiful, it's a shade lighter than red, almost a darker pink. The front of my dress is tight near the top and flares out near the bottom. The neck line dips low, showing a generous amount of my cleavage that I don't fancy too much, but it does well to cover most of my scars.

The lacy material that runs as a see-through second covering is black, making little spider-wed designs all along it. Despite how loose it gets near the bottom, it doesn't fail to show off my curves. The swell of my breast and round hips and thin waist. I haven't worn something like this in years and I feel so exposed. It makes me want to cover up and hide, but I promised Izumi I'd wear it to my best abilities. I dry my hair, brush it out and simply twist my side bangs. Not only did I change my hair colour, but changed the style as well.

My waist length blonde hair used to have two thick locks of hair parted from the rest, it framed my face and rested on my shoulders and my bangs pushed to one side justr like now, but my hair is much shorter and I dyed it black and lost the two thick locks. If it weren't for my eyes, I wouldn't be so recognizable. Adding my make-up is easy. I only put on light blush, eye-liner, mascara, and very light eye-shadow that you would only see if you looked closely enough. I paint my lips with a scarlet red lipstick and gave myself once last look. Tonight, even if Edward is already married and he would never love me, I still want to show him that I can still be beautiful.

I want to show him that I'm stronger now, that what happened to me three years ago, made me stronger, wiser. It's all deception, but I still wanted him to believe that it is real. If he's going to marry Victoria, my enemy, then I can have my way and feel beautiful for the first time in years. But even still, I don't feel nearly as "beautiful" as I look. No, not at all. Inside I feel rotten, broken, the same whore I was in the dingy lonely cell. That's who I am, who I always will be, but not tonight. Tonight is going to be the night were I change, not just for me, but for my son and for Izumi, just to show her that I did it, that I can do it. But for me, it won't change how disgusted I really am with myself. After Eddie's all grown up and won't need me as much any more, I'll still feel dead inside because that's all I've ever been.

From the moment, I was able to crawl my way out of that dingy cell, I was already dead inside, and nothing is changing that. I stare at the woman who is staring back at me through the mirror. I plaster a confident smile that I hope to perfect before the reception on my red-stained lips, but I still see the cracks, the broken little girl inside of me. I don't dare look into my eyes, I already know that what I'll find is something I won't like. So instead I skim over myself one last time and grab my things and head out to leave. I wake over to Izumi's meat shop, she left me her car to drive with and used Sig's car. The doors are unlocked and the keys are in the compartment in the passenger's seat.

I start the car while I sit, preparing for the drive that will decide my fate. I turn the radio on loud rock music to keep me from drowning in my thoughts. But no matter how hard I try, every thing just keeps going to how everything could turn out. How will they handle it? Will they be angry at me for not trying to find them in the last three years, would they even want to talk to me, now that they, by now, know I have a kid with no father? What about me? Am I ready to see them? Can I handle it? The rest of the drive there, I find myself flipping through the radio channels, searching for anything to listen too, even if I can't understand it. I think about Eddie and what Izumi and Sig could be doing. I hope he's okay and that he has no problems, I can't wait to see him, I miss him. Since he was born, there was never a time where I was without Eddie except for when I was at work, which was only about 6 hours every 3 times a week.

Once I get this over and done with, I want to get my life back on track, I used to be and automail engineer, I used to work in auto shops or simply help Granny fill orders. Of course, I still need to get an apprenticeship to be a fully licensed engineer. But to do that, I'd have to move to Rush Valley and that's exactly what I plan to do, move to Rush Valley with Eddie, but first I need to make more money. I'm not going anywhere working at a café that pays me $18 an hour. I think about the life that I have planned out for Eddie and new life that I'm going to start with my son is the life that Eddie will know, he'll never learn about my past, the last thing I want is for my son to hate me too.

About 15 minutes later, I pull up into a giant park. The parking lot is nearly full, I never imagined Edward would be the type of guy to broadcast his wedding like this. But I find a space and turn the car off, I don't make any moves to get out just yet. I check myself in the rear view mirror just to make sure every thing's in tact. When everything seems good and done with, I make my way out of the car and put the keys back inside the compartment, and slowly make my way over the big event. The grass is freshly cut, a healthy green that you would only imagine seeing in books. There isn't a single piece of garbage on the field and different shapes and sizes of stones, outlines the shape of the field. Directly in the middle of the field is a giant white gazebo, but it's covered with a white silky material all around so you can't peer inside. I make my way around, trying to find the entrance, when I do, I feel my stomach doing flips, my hands become clammy and my heart skips a few beats. I swallow thickly and take deep breaths, convincing myself that I'm going to be okay. I am just fine. I can do this, I use encouraging words to help me calm my nerves, and I think it's working until I hear loud clapping and cheering. The ceremony is over.

I feel slightly better that I don't actually have to witness Edward being officially handed off to another woman, but it does make me wish I could have done something to stop it and I don't really care how bad I sound. Those past 2 years of pain and torture that I will never get back has changed me, changed me where I'm not exactly as nice and gentle as I once was. Now, the spark of innocence that I used to have in my eyes have been completely sucked dry, like they've drowned in the ocean of my deep-sea blue eyes, pulled down to the bottom. Now they're filled with sorrow, grief, anger, lots and lots of anger. I turn to make my way back to my car, I'll just wait for the reception. It takes about half an hour for everyone to fill out, but I don't see anyone I recognize except I find Izumi and Sig's car pull out of the parking lot, and I follow after them. It's about 15 minutes away, and the hall is beautiful. It is called the "White Rose." And sure enough, everything was white, except the black carpet and decorative black tiles. White curtains hang across the ceiling, beautiful chandelier hang from the white ceiling, about 50 tables with white table cloths, each table can fit about 10 people. In the front of the room was the tiled sparkling dance floor, with the black tiles decorating around it in the shape of a giant rectangle. In the middle of the dance floor is a large round table with a golden coloured table-cloth, and on top of it sits a large white cake, 5 stories. Each ring of cake getting smaller and smaller. I watch as people take their seats and make themselves comfortable, chatting away as we wait for the newly weds to enter the hall for the reception to start.

Without trying, I find a seat near the back of the room and try to find my son and Izumi and Sig among the crowd. I see Izumi and Sig, and I finally find Eddie playing with the other kids at the party, running around in circles laughing. I feel so out-of-place with my red gown. Everyone else is either dressed in white or black with the occasional pink or colour that doesn't stand out too much. Did Izumi do this to me on purpose? We don't wait long for Edward and Victoria to arrive. Even I have to admit, Victoria looks beautiful in her bride's gown. It's tight near the top and flare's out from the waist down like an open umbrella. Her hair is folded neatly on top her head with a few twisted strands framing her face. An almost blinding white smile stretches across her face as she and Edward make their way to the middle of the room, giggling and chuckling on the way there. It makes my stomach twist and my heart shudder.

Even Edward looks happy, a bright grin, eyes twinkling, he looks handsome in his black tux and his hair in a pony-tail.

"Before we begin, " Victoria starts, nudging Edward in the arm to get his attention, "I'd like to thank you all so very much for coming today. This day, couldn't have been more perfect." She casts Edward a loving smile and Edward blushes lightly and looks away over into the crowd. I duck down trying to hide from his searching eyes.

"I hope that you all enjoy the party, food will be served in a few minutes actually," she continues on, but I block the rest of her out and fiddle with the napkin on the table. I look around the rest of the room and notice all the little details, seeing as how there isn't much for me to do. My plan is to talk to Edward alone, but it doesn't look like Victoria's going to let go of his arm any time soon. She must have cracked a joke because now everyone is laughing and it brings my attention back to the two. Bored out of my mind, I lean back in my chair and run a hand through my hair and push it all to one side, and it's in that moment when Edward finally decides to catch my eye. When I'm bored out of my mind with what probably looks like a snotty look on my face. The bright smile on his face slowly slips off and his brows furrow together as he stares at me. I quickly turn my back to him and pretend that I have something to do, but I can feel his eyes on me and I wish he would quit staring at me.

"Right honey?" Victoria says with a laugh. It takes a moment for him to answer, not realizing that Victoria had just called on him.

"Huh, what- sorry, I was, I uh, what?"

I don't need to look to know Victoria just rolls her eyes or that a blush stains Edward's cheeks, "my goodness, it's only been a hour and Edward's already spacing out." This earns everyone to chuckle, but I don't see what's so funny. When she finishes, everyone claps their hands, but I don't look in fear of catching Edward's eye, which I really don't want to do.

"Winry?"

The voice I hear from behind me causes my heart to skip several beats and my breath to catch in my throat. A voice that I would recognize anywhere, the voice I'd been hearing since we were kids. I don't know whether to feel relieved that he saved me the trouble of looking for him or to feel dreadful that the time to speak up has come sooner or later. Slowly, I turn around to stare into the whiskey rich golden eyes that belongs to Alphonse Elric, Edward's younger brother.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

His eyes are widen with disbelief and tears brimming his eyes. His brows knit together and he immediately pulls me into a bone crushing hug, one that I return. He's taller than I remember, he has to bend down slightly to hug me, even though I'm in heels. I squeeze my eyes shut to stop the tears from threatening to spill over.

"Al," saying his name aloud made my heart swell, "how did you know I was here?"

"I didn't. Izumi told me you were here." If he hugs me any tighter, I'm sure I'm going to snap in half, a quiet sob breaks through and for a moment I think it was from me, but it came from Al. " it's so good to see you Winry," he whispers in my ear, he's so warm and it fills me with such a warm fuzzy feeling, making me feel like I hadn't felt in years; safe. This isn't how I remember Al, this scrawny little boy transformed into a handsome young man. It feels too long since I've last seen him, five years really can change someone. When I finally open my eyes, I see Izumi and Sig watching with a smile from their table. I smile back and mouth a 'thank you' to which she nods back. Slowly, Al gently pulls away and sits us both down at the table I was sitting alone at.

He looks me up and down, a light blush playing on his cheeks, " you look beautiful, Winry." I grin back with a blush and wave him off, "it's not even mine, Izumi let me wear this." I smirk when his eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "oh... I didn't think she'd..." he trails off and I giggle. It leaves us in an awkward silence, I force a smile, ready to change the direction of where this conversation is about to go, but he beats me to it, " Winry..."

I don't even need to hear the rest of the question to know what he's about to ask, and I feel dread flooding my system. I bite my lip, ready for the questions. His eyes fall downcast, staring at his lap, "how are you, Winry?"

My smile slowly fades and I sit, contemplating my answer, I don't want to tell him how broken I really am, how sad and horrible I feel, I don't want him to worry about me. So instead, I force the smile back on my face, the same smile I'd been practicing in the mirror on my way here, band shrug nonchalantly, "oh you know, I'm doing great actually!"

I exclaim a little too happy, when his eyes shoot up to meet mine, I know he isn't buying it, but he doesn't push the subject any further and I'm grateful. He nods slowly and moves on, " well that's great... So..." he trails of, searching for a new topic. I open my mouth to change the subject when Eddie comes running in, jumping up and down and tugging gently on my gown.

"Mommy! Mommy!" He exclaims excitedly, " I make friends! See!" He points a stubby little finger at the kids running around in circles giggle and squealing in the middle of the dance floor. I smile, kissing the top of his head in a silent reward for his perfect timing. But when Al is silent, I sneak a peek at him and I see his wide whiskey coloured eyes staring at Eddie with disbelief. The smile on my face instantly falls, I forgot he doesn't know that I have a son. Clearing my throat, I lift Eddie up on to my lap, I'm too afraid to meet Al's eyes.

"Eddie, I want you to meet someone."

Eddie's attention moves back to Al, staring him up and down with wide innocent eyes. Al seems to snap himself out of his shock and clear his throat as well, a gentle smile playing on his lips, he leans forward slightly.

"Hi, Eddie, my name is Alphonse," he says with a kind voice, "but you can call me Al."

Eddie grunts, turning on my lap to bury his face into my collar-bone. I smile and pat his back, when I look up at Al, I roll my eyes and kiss the top of Eddie's hair, "come on Eddie, say hi. "

Eddie whines and hugs me tighter, his stubby little fingers squeezing my neck. "Come on, Eddie. Look at Al."

I gently try to peel him away from me, but he only clutches me tighter. Al chuckles, "he's cute. How old his he?"

I turn my gaze back to Al and huff at Eddie, "he's three." Al swallows hard and nods. I hold Eddie closer to me because I know that if I let him go, there won't be anything stopping Al from asking questions. I know I'll have to tell him sooner or later, but, not now, not yet, not here. It's silent for a moment again, but then Eddie slowly turns his head to peek at Al. Al smiles again and this time Eddie stares at him with an accussing pout. Al chuckles again and holds out his hands, "don't worry Eddie, I won't hurt you, I promise."

Al's eyes flicker up to meet mine for moment before going back to Eddie. He looks at Al considerable and turns to look up at me for consent. I smile and nod, " don't worry Eddie, Al is a really good friend of mine," Eddie glances back to Al as I continue, "I knew him even younger than you were."

Eddie's eyes widen for a moment in awe, "really? Yous friends with mommy a long long time!"

I giggle at Eddie as Al confirms it. I watch for a moment as the two engage in a conversation, I didn't expect every thing to go so easily with Al. It was amazing how things are so much easier with Al. I wish I can say the same for Edward, but Edward is always so straight forward and doesn't realize his mistake until after he's done it. Eddie's giggling brings me back to the two, I over hear them taking about space ships and mechanic's. If only Edward were this good with kids, in all the years I've known him, he doesn't know the first thing about kids. He's always so awkward with them.

"Hey Al," a voice says from behind. It's almost instant when I match a face with the voice, "Sup?"

I can feel his eyes on me, and I can almost hear a sly grin creeping on his face, " and who is this fine lady you've got here."

His shoes tap on the floor and he makes his way around me to get a good look at my face. He stops short and has to do I re-take when he sees my face, his un-lit cigarette falls from his lips. From the corner of my eye, I can see Eddie glaring up at him while clinging tightly onto my neck. His blue eyes go wide. I can exactly say five years has changed his appearance much, still same old same old, minus the beard hairs.

"No way."

I look up at him sheepishly, "hi Jean."

He stares at he for a long time, searching my face, lingering on my short black hair," Winry..."

Eddie squirms in my arms, stealing mine and Jean's attention. Looking between the two of us, it doesn't take him long to come to a conclusion and his eyes go wide for a moment. Eddie locks eyes with Jean and he pulls the cigarette from his mouth and puts in his breast pocket. He opens his mouth to say something, but Eddie slips from my arms and runs over to Al, holding onto his pant leg.

"Er, why don't I take Eddie for a little bit," Al suggests. I wish he hadn't. I watch reluctantly as his chair scraps back across the floor, taking Eddie's hand, and making their way over to the food table. Crap, no more distractions. It's quiet for a long time before he takes Al's chair across from me, his mouth opens and closes several times before he's cleared his throat.

"So... how've ya been?" He asks a little too cheerfully, but I can tell he's trying to lighten up the mood. I smile, usually Jean's always jumping the gun, getting straight to the point.

"I've been okay, I guess."

Pause. His eyes lock with mine for a moment, then his gaze shifts over my shoulder. Before I know it, Jean stands up abruptly, waving his arm, and calling people over. Oh no, Jean. I feel nervous and chew my lip, tasting the lipstick. I'm not ready. I don't dare turn my head as a few people crowd around the table and Jean. All of my old friends. Rize, Rebecca, Roy, Mei. They're all here. I don't want them to be.

"Guys," Jeans' voice suddenly turns serious, it comes as a bit of a surprise to everyone. He nods over to me, and they all grin as they turn to look at me.

"Well, hello there Ms." Roy is the first to step forward, and gentle smile on his face, he doesn't seem to recognize me yet.

"Wait," Riza says. They're all look so much more older, more mature. And knowing Riza and her sharp senses, she already recognizes me, "Winry."

Roy pauses in his steps, turning his gaze over to Riza, then slowly dragging his eyes to meet mine. The grin on all of their faces disappear. They stare at me with disbelief, and it makes me feel so exposed and uncomfortable. My heart beat quickens. A small sob breaks out of Mei as she throws her arms around my neck, pulling me into a hug. It catches me by surprise and I visibly flinch, but she doesn't seem to notice because she only hugs me tighter. It's not long after when they all join in on the hug, starting from Rebecca and ending with Roy wrapping his arms around all of us in a bear hug.

Them hugging me like this leaves me in a daze. I don't know whether to hug the back or push away, but at the same time it feels so good. The warmth radiates from all of them, bringing me back to old times. From here, I have a close up on everyone's face. They all look the same more or less, time has been kind to them. The girls look absolutely beautiful, the make-up complimenting their already natural good looks, the boys have grown with strong jaws, broad shoulders, and they look very handsome dressed in tux and all. When they all pull away, Rebecca and Mei pull a chair up and sit next to me.

"We've missed you so much Winry, " Mei says, her voice wavering with tears. Rebecca dabs her eyes with a finger and nods, a wavering smile on her face.

"You look great, Winry," Roy says, a gentle smile that I'd never really seen on his face before. Despite myself, my cheeks flush lightly. And like always, it's silent again, but it doesn't last long.

"What... What happened?"

There. The question that everyone's been secretly dying to ask since they first laid eyes on me. It's Jean who asks it.

"Yeah, what happened?" Riza asks gently.

Mei scoots closer in her chair, " yeah, you've been missing for, like 5 years."

"And who was that kid you were holding early?"

"Are you okay?"

"What did they do to you?"

"How did you get out?"

And then the questions come pouring out, it's all too much. Stuff that I'm not ready to talk about yet, it's all too much. As the questions keep coming, everyone moves just a little bit closer, and I feel the starting point of a panic attack happening. The corners of my eyes begin to form black dots, moving closer to the center of my vision. I feel like the walls from either sides of the room are closing in on me, my heart drums in my chest like a battle drum, pounding loudly. I take deep breaths, but I'm constricted by my tight dress. I take deep breaths and try my best to look as normal as possible, but it's all too overwhelming and I don't think I can take it. I clear my throat, trying to get in as much air into my lungs before I pass out. The thought scares me and I really begin to panic, not caring whether it shows or not.

"Excuse me." I cut in, abruptly standing up and pushing my way through them, I make a scene as I scramble to the front, knocking things over, bumping into people. But I can't exactly find it in me to care. Because I don't care, at all. I don't even want to be here, I was forced her by Izumi-not that I blame her- and to pick up my son. I didn't even intend on staying this long. When I push through the doors, I catch Edward's eyes. I have to blink away the dots from clouding my vision, and I just barely register, Edward walking over to me.

He straightens me by holding me by my shoulders. "Winry?"

I swallow thickly and push his hands off. I feel like crying and my throat tightens, almost choking me. I shake my head to clear my mind, but it only makes it worse, and I have to force myself to keep from sobbing. Everyone's eyes are on me and I can't take it. I'm afraid they'll see me for what I really. The dirty whore I've become, they'll learn all of my secrets, they'll know, and they won't accept me.

"I-I'm sorry," I push away from him when he tries to reach out for me again and scramble out of the room. The doors slamming behind me. The breeze is like relief you have after taking a nice cold bath on a hot summer day. It's soothing and it helps calm me down. I greedily suck in deep breaths, relishing the oxygen as it fills my lungs. The cool breeze carries away my panic, cooling my heated skin. One by one, the black dots slowly begin to disappear. I can't go back in there, not after the stunt I just pulled. I'd have to explain myself, and I can't do that. I can't even explain myself to my friends, much less people I hardly knew. I shuffle away from the front entrance and lean against the brick wall and bury my head in my hands. I chew on my lower lip and grab a fist full of my hair.

"Winry?"

I gasp, slightly surprised to find Edward standing behind me. The gentle breeze blowing his ponytail over his shoulder. I turn away from him, wrapping my arms around myself.

"What are you doing here Edward?"

Pause. "I wanted to make sure you're okay." His dress shoes click against the marble floors.

"Well, I'm okay, so you can go back inside." I say coldly, it came out meaner that I meant. Edward sighs and walks around me, looking me in the face because he knows that I won't turn to face him. He stares at me for a long time, daring me to hold his gaze, but I break the connection.

"What happened in there?"

I'm reluctant to answer, taking my time as I answer. I start of with a shrug, "I don't know. I...I- it was overwhelming in there." I rub my arms as if rubbing away goosebumps," I talked to everyone, Roy and them."

I swallow loudly, " I... I thought I could do this. I can't."

"Do what?"

"Be here." I finally sob, " I can't be here. I thought I could handle it, but I can't, I can't face all of you. I wasn't even going to come!" I admit pathetically, barely managing to contain my sob. Edward is quiet for a long time, I can hear him swallow.

"I don't want to be here, Edward. I came for my son and that is it."

"Then why'd you get all dressed up and stuff if you were only getting your son?"

I glare up at him, " because, Izumi told me to go! She told me that if I ever want to... 5 years have passed Edward, do you have any idea what happened to me?" I yell, I have to pause to catch my breath, but I don't give him a chance to speak, " Out of those 5 years, I spent 2 and a half of those years living in hell?! I wake to having a son, I don't even know who the father is!" I say too much, but seeing the look on his face only made me what to say more. Anger boils up inside of me and I'm ready to burst.

" I came here tonight to face my fears. After Eddie, I didn't come find you because I was scared that you wouldn't want anything to do with me, because I have a son and no father to support him!"

Seeing the look on Edward's face, I can tell he's struggling to keep his own emotions at bay. I open my mouth to say more, but he cuts me off.

"Really?! Is that what you really think I care about? I don't-"

"But you don't know what I did! What they did to me! You have no idea, if you knew I doubt you'd be talking to me at all!"

"Of course I would! I don't care about that Winry, all that matters is that you're here now! You have a son, who cares what anyone thinks of you because you have no one to help! You're still the same Winry that I've always know, that'll never change, no matter what you did!" He dares to talk a step closer, and like last time, I don't move, it's like my feet are planted to the ground.

I want him to hold me. Hold me like he did before. I want him to love me like he loves Victoria. I want to believe every word he says. I want to believe in him, but I can't. I won't because despite how angry I am at him for marrying Victoria, I want him to be happy, even if I can't. I don't want him to worry about me, I want to face my fears and become as strong as I once was, maybe stronger. But knowing what I know, what I did, what they did to me, I can never be that girl I once was, I never will be.

"You're wrong Edward," I whisper brokenly, my voice wavers as fresh tears begin rolling down my cheeks. Right now, I don't care if my make-up runs. "You don't get it, I will never be the same. I left-lost- my life the moment they took me, Edward." I correct," This Winry Rockbell girl is gone," I say firmly, I clench my fists and straighten. I puff my chest out slightly, trying to look as if I still had my dignity. Eddie, my son deserves so much more than he has now, and that's why I'm going to be strong. I have to.

"And she's not coming back, Edward," I continue, " you need to understand that. I have a son, I need to protect him and care for him. I'm here to fix my problems, not for me or for you, or anyone else, but Eddie. Eddie is my reason for everything and for him, I'm going to make it. I will be better than the girl I once was, I have to no matter how hard it is. I'm going to make it after I figure everything out. I'm going to do it with or without you."

I let out a breath I don't know I was holding, and by the time I'm finished, I'm a little out of breath. Edward's eye brows furrow together as if deep in thought, he stares at me, trying to figure out his next response. We stand in silence for a long time just staring at each other.

"I want to be there," Edward says slowly as if testing out the words himself. He swallows and drops his gaze to the floor. "When you were gone... I- it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. It was like dying, I was so lost and scared. But I never gave up on you, I looked for you day and night, never taking breaks. I blamed myself for everything, I shouldn't have let you go, I should have-"

"No, Edward. It wasn't your fault. It was all mine, I shouldn't have run off." I say quietly, rubbing my arms in a way to help comfort myself. All I cam think about now, is the way he's trying to dodge the moment that happened before I ran away... when I kissed him. I can tell by the look on his face that he's thinking the same thing, yet he still doesn't say anything.

I scoff, of course, what am I thinking? He's a married man. I suck in as much air this dress allows and wipe away my tears, little black smudges on my fingers. I wipe the smudged make-up and close my eyes, taking deep breaths. This is only a distraction to keep me from crying again. I don't have anything to say to him now. When I open my eyes again, Edward is staring at me intently, looking like he always does when he's trying to solve a complicated equation.

"Is it true?" He says at last and I frown in confusion, "is what true?" He looks nervous and shifts from one foot to the other and then he does the one thing I didn't expect in this kind of situation; he blushes. It's nothing big, but just a light pink dusting over his cheeks and across the bridge of his nose.

"When we met... I asked you why you were running away and you... you said that you..." he trails of and a light bulb blinks to life in my head. I remember what I said. A part of me doesn't regret my confession to him the day we met, but that's only a small part of me. I regret it now because he's married, he'll never love me that way I love him. To him, we're still best friends, but we're not best friends any more. To be honest, I don't even know where this leads us to anymore. I'm not the Winry he's looking for, I've grown older with horrible memories, I've changed, he doesn't know me. But even now, when I tell my self I regret telling him, I can't deny it because it is already out here in the open.

"love you?" I finish without hesitation. " I've loved you since kinder-garden."

I watch his face, searching for a reaction. His eyes widen and his lips part in a silent gasp, the realization on his face almost makes me want to laugh. "But it doesn't matter, " I add, my voice turning hard, " I'm in love with a married man." His jaw jumps and his eyes flood with guilt as he shifts them away from mine once again. It confuses me and leaves so many questions in my mind. I can't help but ask," why do you look guilty?" He gulps loudly and I watch his throat bob up then down.

"Victoria would help me search for you, she doesn't really like you much because..." he pauses and shrugs his shoulders as if trying to lighten the mood," well, you did kiss me in front of my girlfriend, so I guess that's a valid reason," I don't know why, but I chuckle quietly at that. It's not funny, but I do it anyway. Even Edward seems surprised that I laughed, but he doesn't say anything. "She help me look for you, not as much as I did, but she helped. She'd get mad at me for always skipping out on sleep or dinner, she'd get mad at me for always ignoring her, she even accused me of cheating on her with you before you disappeared. I remember we used to get into fights every day because all I wanted to do was find you, because I couldn't live with the guilt of you being taken while I was still alive."

He pauses and takes a deep breath before continuing.

"I fell into depression because of the guilt, I couldn't sleep even if I tried, I never ate much and I lost a lot of weight."

I don't know what to make of this, I don't realize that my disappearance was just as hard on him. Hearing this makes it harder for me to find a reason to be angry at him.

"I was like that for 3 years, Winry," he swallows and the guilt creeps back on his face and in his eyes, "Victoria convinced me to quit. That I should just give up because the police haven't found any leads on you and I was going to end up dying if I didn't get better... And I.. I believed her. She told me that I could already be too late and that you were already dead..."

The blood pumps faster through my veins and my body feels hot with anger. I expect nothing less from Victoria. I know that what I did that day was wrong and I had no right in doing that to Edward, but trying to convince Edward that I was already dead and that he should give up on me crossed a line. But wait... what would I do if Edward were missing? Would I give up? Would I ever convince Victoria that Edward were dead too, even after three years?

_No,_ I think_, I wouldn't._

" I believed her and stopped looking for you. But I knew you weren't dead, I didn't know how I knew, I just did. I would feel it if you were dead, and thank God you're not." I raise an eyebrow at the mentions of God. Edward is never one to believe in a higher power, he believes in this thing called 'Equivalent Exchange.' He read from some science book he found one day.

"I got better and better and better. I gained my weight back, I slept regularly, ate a lot. But not once did I ever think of you as dead because I still believed in you, so once I got better, I went behind her back and started doing research when she wasn't around. She caught me and threatened to leave if I didn't stop. So I did. I fixed things between us and then, after that.. weeks passed by, then months. She'd help me forget,"

His sweet confession stings me right in the heart, my heart sinks into my stomach and I feel like crying again,

"Not all of it, but enough to make me forget sometimes. She'd help forget, forget my guilt, my mistakes, she'd make me feel better," by now, I know he can see the pain and heartache I feel because I'm too tired to hide my true emotions, I don't care. I want to crawl into a corner and die. His confession tears me apart from the inside out. Like an icy cold hand, gripping on my heart, tugging mercilessly, just waiting for my heart to shatter into dust, into nothing. I chew on my lower lip and feebly attempt to force back tears, I swallow down the thick lump that has formed in my throat and drop my gaze to his shoes.

I clear my throat, " you're lucky to have someone." I force a smile even though I know he can't see it. He doesn't say anything so we end up standing in tense awkward silence. I blink and a tear sneaks its way free, splashing on my wrist.

"Winry..." He says in a low tense voice. I quickly and carefully wipe my eyes clean and force a big fat fake smile, looking back up at him.

"Anyway, We should get back inside, ya know." I try to say in my best light hearted voice. But I can tell from the certain look he gives me, I know that he knows that I'm hurting bad. But for some reason he doesn't say anything and I feel a flare of anger within me. I ignore it and continue on, "wouldn't want your new wife to be waiting." He frowns at me, no, not at me, it looks like he's frowning at himself, like he's having a mental battle with himself in his head. I turn to leave when suddenly, he grabs my wrist and spins me around to face him, and before I can get out a startled gasp, he pulls me into a hug. His strong arms wrapped around my shoulders, squeezing me to his tight chest. He feels amazing against me. I almost long for him to hold me closer, to kiss me, to love me like he loves her.

_I _want to be the woman in white, sitting in the middle of all the attention, _I_ want to be the one who gets to have him hold me like this, _I _want to show him how much I love him freely, and I want him to show me how much he loves me too. I want to love him like he's mine. I don't want Victoria here, I don't like her, I hate her. I hate that she gets to keep Edward all to herself, and I hate that she stole his heart first and a part of me hates him because he loves _her_. Without meaning to, I sob into his chest, so hard that my whole body shakes.

Why does this hurt so much?

What did I ever do to deserve this kind of pain? I've been good all my life haven't I? I've been nice to almost every one I meet, I had good grades, great friends. It makes me angry. Why did I, of all people get chosen to live this hell? To live this hell with my three year old son who doesn't deserve anything like this! Why is it that the man I love married the woman I hate? Why did he marry her? Why would he marry her? What does she have that I don't? Why is she so important to him?

"Why did you marry her?"

I ask in a wavering tiny voice. The question seems to catch him off guard because he freezes, I can swear that his breathing even stopped for that moment. He doesn't answer me but instead, his arms drop from around me and I almost wish that I kept my mouth shut. His warmth leaving me cold, he doesn't look at me when I try to meet his gaze. "Edward, answer me."

"Why does it even matter to you Winry?" He mutters, turning his head away. I glare at the side of his head and I know that he can feel my heated glare.

"Because, I want to know why she's so important and I'm not?"

His head snaps forward while he stares at me with wide golden eyes and his jaw slightly slack, "what the hell are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about Edward. You married her and I want to know why," I demand, " is it because she's prettier? Smarter, funnier? What is it?" He glares at me and clenches his fist," Winry, whatever your doing, it's not funny." He warns. He's trying to act intimidating, but I'm not intimidated, instead I stand my ground. "It's not funny. I want to know-"

"Where the hell is this all coming from?"

"It doesn't matter Edward! You- you married her because you said she could make you forget, forget about the pain, the guilt, the worry, she could make you forget me!" I snap with frustrated tears in my eyes," you said that yourself! I can't believe you let- Arg!"

"Winr-"

"No! You said she helped you forget right? So let me ask you something. Was it that easy to forget about me?" I demand angrily, but I know that behind all this anger is sadness, grief, heartache, pain, loneliness. If I let my anger slip, I just know I'll burst into tears and I can't afford that now.

"Was it that easy to just erase me from your memories?"

"What the fu- of course it wasn't Winry," He yells back, stomping his foot to release pent-up frustration. "That was the hardest 5 years of my life!"

"Well obviously is wasn't because you still married her! You still had her and everyone else, what the hell did I have? That was the hardest 5 years of _your_ life? Imagine mine? Every single day, I'd wake up in a cold dark cell! I couldn't move because I'd always have a new bruise somewhere, I'd get beaten for no reason, starved, laughed at, spit on, raped! They'd tie me to a fucking pole and leave out to freeze all night. They'd call me so many horrible things that I can't even begin to tell you! Every day there was always something new! Always something different, always more torture, Edward." I sob when I see his horror-stricken face, I want him to feel this way, I want him to feel guilt.

"They even branded me so that I'll never forget, I'll never forget that no matter where I go, I will always belong to them, just like a dirty whore."

"Don't say that Winry, th-that's not true," Edward says, his voice is so pathetic. He sounds like he's on the brink of tears, but I don't see a glimmer in his eyes for any hint of tears. So I continue because I'm a mean bitch.

"That's what they said every day! So much that I believe, because that's all I am! That's I did..." I sob loudly, " I tried to hard... to get away, but they'd always catch me. And they used to burn me. They'd burn me with iron, they cut me up with knives and they laugh. I wanted to kill myself so many times because they wouldn't stop. I would have died in there and I wish I did. They'd laugh at me whenever I told them that you were going to save me. I told them that you're going to kill them for what they did to me. They laughed and told me that you weren't coming because I'm not important, that you'd already forgotten about me... and you know what? They were right, they were right and I was wrong," I whisper, glaring daggers at him. I give him my best glare, I tell myself that he deserves it. That he deserves my hate, my anger. I should feel satisfied when I finally see his eyes glisten with un-shed tears. I should be happy that I broke him down, that I make him feel horrible. But I don't, instead it leaves me with an empty void. So big that it threatens to swallow my whole being.

"I should hate you." I say at last and he visibly flinches as he drops his gaze and swallows so loud that I can hear it. His bangs curtain his eyes, casting a dark shadow on his face, "I should despise you for not saving me, for making me live that hell for two years and 4 months. I should... but I don't. Instead, I love you." His head snaps up again, staring at me, I can't read his expression.

"I should hate you so much because you weren't there for me. I should hate you because you chose to forget about me and move on. Because you chose her over me, after everything we've been through. You were my best friend, known you since forever. And you just gave up on me." I force out a humorless chuck

He doesn't say anything, but bows his head down.

I want to scream and cry and hit him because his silence could only mean one thing; it's true. He forgot about me because of her. "She has everything, while I have nothing! She even gets to call herself an Elric, that's more than I've ever been. She gets to have you as a husband, Al as a brother! She has Roy, Riza, Jean, Mei and everyone else. Instead, I have a son that I love more than anything in the world, but I can't take care of him on my own. I can hardly take care of myself. He deserves the world, not this, not the life I limit him to. He deserves so much better, a life I can't give him. My life was going so perfectly, everything was perfect. Everyone is happy and moving on without me, well what about me?What about my happiness, what I want? All I've ever been was the nice girl, I had everything. perfect grades, great friends... She replaced me, Edward. Victoria is my replacement." I whisper with a heart-felt sob. This is when Edward takes me roughly by the shoulders and pulls me into him, so tightly that I can hardly breathe, but I welcome it.

"No she's not. Not even close. No one can ever be your replacement, not in a billion years. No matter what her last name changes to, Elric or Camprano, you're still my Winry Rockbell and nothing will ever change that. I don't care what horrible things you did, Winry because your here now. I've already lost you once, I won't lose you again, I promise. And I'll always be there for you, best friends or not. I'll take care of you, I'll help you with Eddie because that's what best friends do; help each other out. And don't you ever say that bullshit about yourself ever again because it's not true and no one here would ever believe that either. You've always got us, Al, Mei, Riza, all of us. I haven't forgotten about you, not even Victoria could make me forget because even though I married her today, you were always there first, so don't you ever say that Victoria is your replacement. You're more than enough and don't you ever forget it."

By the time she finishes, I am a blubbering mess in his arms, my chest burns with love for him it almost hurts. I'm so overwhelmed that I have to resist the urge to kiss him so hard on the mouth. But this only makes me cry harder because I can't, he's already made his choice and he chose her. I can hate her as much as I want, but it won't change the fact that he chose her and not me.

"I love you so much, Ed." I whisper into the crook of his neck. I don't need to look up to know that he's smiling," I know." Even though it's not and 'I love you,' I know that it's the closest thing that I'll ever get. So for now, I'm content with that.

* * *

**I know that I haven't updated in a while and I'm so sorry, but this break was just really crazy and it's going to be a lot harder to work on my next chapter because of exams. And I really need to practice for my music exam which is this Friday. I play the trumpet, btw** **;3 (Really hard instrument-for me anyway) But I'll try to update after exams as soon as possible! And sorry for the wait guys!**


End file.
